Thank you for expressing an interest in Attachment!
In case you don’t know, My name is Briana MacWilliam and I am a creative arts therapist, author, educator, reiki practitioner with over 12 years of experience.
I am also wild about the mechanisms of love and relationships!
Frequently, in my private Facebook group of over 1,400 members, I see stories of pain, feelings of rejection, confusion around what happened, and a desperation around figuring out how to fix or make things better, on the feed.
In this video, I talk about 4 healing emotions that you have to process order to let go, and fully welcome love into your life. I discuss these feelings primarily in the context of a break up, but these emotions may remain unprocessed from past relationships, and could still be impacting a current one, as well.
And those are…
This is based on the premise that in order to grieve the loss of a loved one, you have to really allow yourself to feel the negative feelings and then release them.
There’s any number of things we might do to try to avoid the painful feelings that need to be felt and let go,and that includes denial, justification, rationalization, and/or self blame.
We will talk more about these in a subsequent video, but for now, just know that these coping mechanisms are typically implemented to protect ourselves from feeling emotions that we view as threatening to our attachment relationships.
They are threatening because to allow ourselves to feel them, would be to ultimately let go of the attachment.
Now, it’s interesting that sometimes we allow ourselves to feel one or two or three of these emotions, but not the others. Or we just get so wrapped up in these emotions that we don’t actually process them —which is to look at them with growing consciousness and ascribe meaning to them—but just keep playing them on repeat.
So, as we dive into the four emotions, I want you to keep in mind that the framework is really important; let’s call this framework a “healing attitude.” And this is important because sometimes, simply talking about your feelings without a framework, can actually make them worse.
If our listeners simply agree with our hurt then we may end up feeling more depressed or drained.
John Gray illustrates this idea quite nicely in his book, MARS AND VENUS STARTING OVER. He believes that talking alone is really not enough to heal our hearts. Sometimes just getting it out will bring some temporary relief but there’s no real lasting healing.
- Getting angry or complaining is not enough, unless were also looking for forgiveness.
- Feeling hurt and sad just gives you a headache if you don’t try to find a deeper understanding and acceptance of what happened.
- Exploring our fears, worries and doubts will only increase our insecurities if we’re not also balancing it with gratitude for our blessings.
- Delving into our feelings of shame embarrassment and or sorrow only increases our feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness unless we are also learning to forgive ourselves.
So, by holding a healing attitude, which is what defines our framework, we take the time to explore our feelings and enrich them with intention.
That is, the intention to find forgiveness, increase our conscious awareness, express gratitude, and foster a sense of trust in the universe, and in ourselves, again.
So, let’s set an intention for today, and let’s start with the most obvious…
Why are you watching this video?
What about the title caught your eye?
If you are watching this, there is something resonant in your soul, seeking a feeling of relief through the acknowledgement and processing most likely of one of these four feelings.
Now, in this moment, you might be thinking, “Yes, I’m watching this video because I’m looking for a solution to my problem. I want to find out how I can stop feeling this way. I want to find out how I can make my partner come back to me, or how I can fix the relationship. Or how I can fix myself.”
As we continue to talk about these things I would like you, just for the length of this video, try to suspend that kind of intention and embrace the new one:
“I am here because I am a lighted being, and I enjoy the feeling of being in full alignment with my most loving, receptive, and generous self. Lately, I have struggled to find that sense of alignment, and I am opening up my field to receive what I may need to acknowledge, in order to settle into that alignment again.”
This may sound like “fixing your problem,” but I will have you know that it’s actually quite different.
I want you to suspend any judgment in this moment, any notion that there something wrong with you or with anyone else. And from that place of non-delineation, we can invite in the four feelings we must process.
So let’s get into it.
Feeling anger breaks us free of indifference and reconnects us to our passion for life. It releases us from our attachments to our past wants and to begin to feel new wants and desires. Instead of “I want my partner’s love,” the need becomes “I want love.”
Removing the specifics of the situation allows you to step into a vibration and alignment with your source energy and ultimate desire, without any distortions or contrast. To feel as if you want love, is not “needy” and it is not impediment to spiritual harmony.
Source does not want you to be free of desire. Source wants you to be in alignment with your desire, and open and receptive to receive it in all its forms. The problem is we are often in the right place at the right time, but we are unwilling to receive it because, in our current state of perception, we cannot acknowledge the form in which it has arrived.
Feeling sadness allows us to open up to love again. As a result of sadness, we are able to surrender our denial, and accept the loss. Instead of “I expect my partner’s love,” our need becomes “I expect to be loved.”
Sadness allows us to emotionally explore what did not happen that we wanted to happen. Unless we give ourselves permission to be sad, we cannot adjust our expectations to what is now possible. Feeling sadness reconnects us to our ability to love and enjoy what we do have. And so well anger gradually renews our passion for life sadness opens our hearts to feel the sweetness of love again. It is a process of acceptance.
If we wallow in sadness, however, and we are not able to tap into our anger, it is easy to get stuck in that place; become victimized. We also become terrified of the power of our own rage, which has been broiling and growing beneath layers of repression and denial, completely unacknowledged, untamed, and unorganized.If you cannot allow for some of that to be released, it will consistently be turned in on the self and turn into things like depression and anxiety.
Fear allows us to explore what could happen …that we NOT WANT want to happen, and that connects us to our vulnerability. Therefore it provides an ability to discern what we need and can depend on NOW.
As a result of fear we can adapt to what is available instead of yearning for what is no longer available. Instead of “I need my partner’s love and support,” the need becomes “I need to be loved and supported.”
And so if we allow ourselves to feel and an acknowledge our fear, we can adapt our needs to what is available now instead of continuing to need what is no longer ours.
Additionally, if you do not allow yourself to feel your fear, the vibration that it creates will always calling the exact experience that you are fearing. This may seem like a cruelty of the law of attraction, however this is actually a tremendous gift.
As you continue to call in these fearful experiences, you are granted over and over again opportunities to face that fear and discover your own bravery. You are given opportunities to release your projections and your expectations long enough to actually soften and allow for what is truly needed, in order for your spirit to grow.
You do not need to be free of all fear in order to love again; without some measure of fear there can be no bravery. And so this is actually the gift of fear, the opportunity to witness your own courageousness and to grow as a result of that contrast within you.
Grief is an acknowledgement of our powerlessness to undo what has happened. By reflecting on what is not possible, we shift our ability to discern what is possible. This allows us to release past hopes and eventually find new hopes.
Instead of “I wish my partner were here to love me,” our need becomes “I hope to find love.” This motivates us to start over. It also allows us to carve new pathways in our brains that are addictively attached to figures that could never provide what we need in our physical reality anymore.
I will add, it is essential to utilize body activation to allow your grief feelings to be processed and transformed. Complicated grief especially, is deeply entrenched in the neural pathways of your brain that are related to addiction and to attachment mechanisms. Without body-based interventions, you will talk yourself in circles around your feelings of grief, gain tremendous insight, maybe even find meaning in them, but always struggle to feel any differently.
To apply a metaphor to this; If we are driving in one direction and decide to stop and turnin a new direction, we have to put on the brakes.
Allowing yourself to feel these four emotions resembles applying the brakes.
Often times, we allow our mind to wrap itself around relationship dynamics and analyze and pick apart every little piece of what happened, but we don’t allow the body to experience the emotions tied to it.
Now you might be listening to this and thinking, “Of course, I feel miserable! Yes, I’m feeling emotions right now.” But what you are actually experiencing is a resistance to the emotions. You are fighting them, and you are looking for ways to somehow fix something so you can WIN the fight. Stop looking for the fix-it solution And just let it flow. Let go of the oars and turn your boat down stream.
Now, this is not giving you permission to just wallow in sadness, fear, anger and grief. This is, however, giving you permission to have those feelings and approach it from within the framework we discussed earlier; to experience them from a place of choice and consciousness, within the context of the intention that you set for yourself.
Once you stop only being able to see, yearn for, and attend to ONLY ONE thing, ALL things become possible. But you have to allow for that.
You are never in the wrong place, or the wrong time, you are only ever in the right place, but you may be struggling to find the most easeful perspective.
So, tell us in the comments, what feelings you may be stuck on: Anger? Fear? Sorrow? Sadness? What questions are raised for you as you consider engaging and releasing these feelings?
I’d love to hear from you!
In upcoming posts we will talk more about HOW to allow yourself to feel these emotions using creative and mindfulness based approaches. So stay tuned!
And if you would like to join our private facebook group for more livestreams and giveaways like this, you can join us here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/healingattachmentwounds/
Lastly we are running a special challenge at the end of the month, called…
5 Days to Ignite Your Love Light
Over the course of this challenge, you will learn…
*How to take the fear out of your desire
*How to identify and release two important types of limiting beliefs
*How to use mindfulness and creativity to practice being in a loving vibration
*How to show up for an ascended love partner
This challenge includes…
*5 Daily live streams and lessons
*5 Daily emails, including a synopsis and daily assignment
*Access to a recap page for any days you might miss
*Exclusive access to a live Q & A on Day 5
*A Guided Soul Journey on Day 5
*Access to the private Facebook group for Healing Attachment Wounds
*A special bonus offer on Day 5, for continuing your journey!
If you are ready to call in a soul-shaking, passionate partnership, from a place of energetic alignment and self-love, in only 5 days…
REGISTER HERE: https://goo.gl/bbDT4E
I’ll see you there!
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner