Want to find the right online dating course?
After all, dating courses can help you identify how to improve your dating life and find love or improve your existing relationship. But how do you know which courses will actually help you and deliver what they promise?
Today, you learn how to choose a dating course that works.
Want to learn more? Read on!
Struggling to find or keep a partner? This is why
Are you sick of chasing emotionally unavailable partners, feeling bored as soon as you’re in a new relationship, or sabotaging the relationship before it even gets off the ground? Here’s why your relationships never seem to work the way you want them to.
Why your dating life isn’t what you want it to be
Think that your dating techniques are sabotaging you? Or that there are no emotionally available partners out there?
Think again! It’s actually much more fundamental than that.
To experience the kind of relationship you want, you need to understand how to communicate your own needs from an emotionally authentic place, without triggering your partner’s emotional defenses.
This is backed up by Dr. John Gottman’s research on divorce predictions. As his research shows, one of the biggest predictors for divorce is a lack of emotional connection.
Typically, this communication means understanding both of your unique "love maps” or in other words, your way of giving and receiving love. That’s something a dating course can help you with, but you need to dig deep.
You see, the way your relationships unfold starts already in your childhood, as plenty of research shows. And that leads us to attachment styles.
Understand your attachment style
Attachment styles are blueprints for how you have learned to establish relationships in your childhood and past adult relationships. Your attachment style indicates how much closeness or space you want in your relationships.
There are four attachment styles:
Anxious attachment or what I call Open Hearts. People who want a lot of closeness with their partner. They often feel like they’re walking on eggshells to please their partners, but somehow always end up pushing them away.
Avoidantly attached, or Rolling Stones, tend to want a lot of space in their relationships. Often, Rolling Stones fall headlong into relationships, but end up feeling bored, smothered, trapped, or afraid of hurting their partner.
Disorganized or fearfully attached, I call them Spice of Lifers, want and fear closeness. They typically combine anxiously and avoidantly attached behaviors and struggle with sustaining meaningful relationships. These individuals can take their behaviors to the extreme by being unpredictable or demonstrating aggressive behavior.
The last attachment style is secure or Cornerstones. Securely attached individuals tend to be comfortable with intimate relationships and ask for the space they need while maintaining an emotional connection.
As research shows, Cornerstones or people with a secure attachment style usually have more stable and long-lasting relationships. Other attachment styles typically experience more negative emotions in social situations and behave in less constructive ways if they face conflict.
At the same time, people with avoidant attachment styles tend to attract people with anxious attachment styles. The same applies the other way around.
This is the “anxious-avoidant trap”- a cycle where the anxiously attached partner feels like they’re chasing after their partners and the avoidant partner feels smothered and bored.
Worst of all, attachment styles seem to be pretty stable over time. If you live your life without ever thinking about your attachment style, you’re likely to automatically fall back into your learned habits.
But that said, you can learn to use new tools to change your old patterns and reverse the pattern you’re stuck in. Research backs this up. You can change your attachment style over time, feel better in your relationships, and even find those soul-shaking partnerships.
Just take my student Kim, who went through my course Healing Attachment Wounds.
Before enrolling in the course, Kim struggled with depression and anxiety. She found herself getting stuck in roller coaster relationships.
But thanks to the course, Kim learned more in seven weeks than she has in years of self-help books and cognitive therapy.
What is the best dating course?
An online dating course can help you break your unhealthy dating patterns. But a course on “how to flirt” or “how to change your dating profile” only touches the surface level. Even communication courses don’t go deep enough. The work you need to do is much more fundamental than that.
The most effective dating courses help you understand why you and/or your partner are behaving in certain ways. You learn why you’re attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable or feel “too clingy.”
That said, the best dating course depends on your individual circumstances. What do you need to work on? What are your triggers and pain points?
Here’s an overview of my own relationship courses for singles and couples and how they help you.
Anxious Attachment 101
Anxious Attachment 101 is for those who are sick of chasing after unattainable partners, struggle with anxiety in push-pull relationships, and want to start calling in partnership. I teach The MacWilliam Method™, which takes you from clingy to confident in five days.
My student Daina experienced an on-again-off-again relationship and decided to try Anxious Attachment 101. In just 4 months, she made more progress than during 2.5 years in counseling. She learned how her family background affected her relationships and got clarity around how to engage with her own children.
Avoidant Attachment 101
Avoidant Attachment 101 is for you if you’re sick of falling headlong into relationships and end up feeling smothered, bored, and afraid you’ll hurt your partner just when things are getting good. If you struggle with avoidance in push-pull relationships, this dating course is for you.
Here’s how Mikael was able to work on his own attachment style with the help of arts-based activities and a focus wheel:
Disorganized Attachment 101
If you deeply yearn for love, but feel desperately fearful of being abandoned or rejected, this dating course is for you. Disorganized Attachment 101 is for individuals who switch from hot to cold before anything ever gets off the ground and struggle with anxiety and avoidance in push-pull relationships.
My student Jitka went through my course Disorganized Attachment 101. She loved how practical the course is and shares her favorite experiential and meditation.
Secure Attachment 101
Secure Attachment 101 is for people who feel that they are emotionally honest and willing to work on the relationship, yet their partner still finds ways to create drama and/or put distance between them. Secure Cornerstones can end up with insecure lovers and that’s where Secure Attachment 101 will help. In this course, you learn how to amplify your strengths and help stabilize your relationship.
Unsure about your own attachment style? Take this quick quiz to find out:
Intermediate and advanced online dating courses
If you’re already familiar with attachment styles, you might be ready for a more advanced dating course.
In that case, look for dating courses that help you dive into more experiential processing or explore your relationship together with your partner.
My own course, Relationship Rescue, helps couples use The MacWilliam Method™ to connect on an emotional level with their partner. Healing Attachment Wounds with Mindfulness and Creative Arts Interventions covers everything that goes into attachment relationships, from epigenetics, to the impact of trauma, to polyvagal theory and how your nervous system can hijack your "love map.”
Get started today!
There you have it! Now you know how to find and choose the right online dating course for you.
What it comes down to is finding a course that digs deep and helps you understand your behavior on a fundamental level. In other words: beware of shallow courses and instead, look for courses that help you work on yourself from the ground up.
What’s your own attachment style? Find out with the attachment style quiz!