Have you ever felt confused and unsure if your avoidant partner truly loves you? Maybe you’ve experienced moments where they seem distant and unresponsive or avoid deep, emotional conversations. Perhaps they pull away when things get too close, and express affection in indirect or subtle ways. As a result, you might find yourself wondering, “How can I tell if my avoidant partner actually loves me, when they rarely show their emotions?” If you can relate to this, this post is for you. In it, I explain the signs of avoidant behavior in relationships, the paradox of avoidant attachment in love, 8 signs an avoidant loves you, and how to foster their love by avoiding known triggers and using soft strategies in communication.
This last point is so important because it will really help you to strengthen your connection by understanding your partner’s unique way of expressing love.
And it is possible for an avoidant partner to open up, with the correct approach.
For example, when Jordan came to me he was struggling with the push-pull dynamics in an anxious avoidant relationship. But through the work he did in my courses, he was able to feel hopeful about the future of his relationships and adopt more optimistic thoughts and feelings when it comes to love. Watch this video testimonial to hear it in Jordan’s own words.
I am happy to say that Jordan’s results are not unique. Many of my students apply my unique approach to healing attachment styles to their relationships, and experience tremendous changes. If you’d like to learn more about how to do this for yourself, you can click this link, and take the free introductory training for my course, The Courageous Communicator.
This is a 90-day online course, to help professional singles and couples develop healthy communication skills based on attachment styles, using trauma-informed energy healing and art therapy techniques.
If emotional intimacy is your destination, attachment styles is the vehicle that’s going to get you there, but not without any gas…that’s where my trademarked method, and “HIP” communication formula, come in.
You see, communication is more than the words that we speak, it is the ENERGY that we FEEL and EXPRESS in relationships. Learning the right words without understanding how to process the emotional energy behind them, is going to keep you stuck in cyclical negative patterns in love.
But once you master this skill, you’ll know how to inspire deeper love and intimacy, while getting your needs met, without a paralyzing fear of rejection or abandonment.
If that sounds good to you, click this link to learn more about that.
And meanwhile, let’s go ahead and dive into our topic for today.
Signs of An Avoidant Partner, in Relationships
In a relationship with an avoidant partner, it’s common to encounter specific behaviors that reflect their attachment style. These behaviors can manifest as a reluctance to commit fully, a fear of emotional intimacy, or an inclination to prioritize individual needs over the relationship. Avoidant partners may struggle to express their emotions openly, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts with their partners.
One of the key signs of avoidant behavior in relationships is a tendency to create emotional distance as a means of self-protection. This can manifest in behaviors such as avoiding physical closeness, becoming emotionally unavailable during times of stress, or withdrawing when faced with conflicts. It’s important to recognize these behaviors not as a rejection of love but as a defense mechanism that stems from their fear of vulnerability.
Despite their avoidant tendencies, it’s essential to remember that avoidant partners are capable of love and deep emotional connections. By being patient, understanding, and supportive, you can help your avoidant partner feel secure and valued in the relationship. Recognizing and addressing these avoidant behaviors can lay the foundation for a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.
Signs An Avoidant Loves You, But Is Scared: The Paradox of Avoidant Attachment Style
If you’re wondering, how to know if an avoidant partner loves you… you are not alone. This confusion often stems from the paradox of how avoidants show love. The paradox of loving someone with an avoidant attachment style lies in their ability to experience deep emotions while simultaneously fearing the vulnerability that comes with intimacy. Avoidant partners may struggle to express their love openly, leading to misunderstandings and doubts about their feelings, leading you to miss the signs that an avoidant loves you. However, beneath their guarded exterior, avoidant partners are often capable of forming strong emotional bonds with their partners.
For an avoidant partner, loving someone means navigating a delicate balance between their need for independence and their desire for connection. They may struggle with feelings of insecurity and fear of engulfment, making it challenging for them to fully open up to their partners. Despite these challenges, there are signs that an avoidant loves you, albeit in their unique and subtle ways. We will get into those in a moment, but for now, let’s look at some signs an avoidant loves you but is scared:
-Inconsistent Communication: They might go from texting or calling regularly to suddenly becoming distant and unresponsive. This fluctuation shows they are scared of getting too close but still want to maintain a connection with you.
-Acts of Service with Hesitation: They might do things for you that show they care, like helping with tasks or running errands, but they often do so without openly acknowledging their feelings. The reluctance to verbally express their love alongside these actions indicates a fear of vulnerability.
-Limited Quality Time: They make time for you, but it’s often in settings where they feel less emotionally exposed, like casual outings or group activities. This choice of low-pressure environments demonstrates their fear of intimacy while still wanting to be around you.
-Brief Moments of Vulnerability Followed by Withdrawal: Occasionally, they may share something deeply personal or emotional, but these moments are fleeting. They quickly retreat afterward, either by changing the subject or distancing themselves, revealing their internal struggle with letting their guard down.
-Reconnection Attempts After Periods of Distance: After they withdraw due to feeling overwhelmed, they make efforts to reconnect. This might include reaching out with a simple message or trying to resume normal interactions without discussing their disappearance. Their attempts to reconnect, despite avoiding discussions about their withdrawal, show they are scared of losing you but are also fearful of confronting their emotions.
Understanding this paradox can help you appreciate the depth of an avoidant’s love and the complexities of their emotional world. By acknowledging their fears and insecurities, you can create a safe and supportive space for your avoidant partner to express their love in their own way.
And believe it or not, many avoidant partners are willing and wanting to come out of their shell, and they will take actions to support their own healing in relationships.
8 Signs An Avoidant Loves You
If you’re in a relationship with an avoidant partner, you might not see the classic romantic gestures often portrayed in movies. How avoidants show love can be more subtle yet hold deep meaning. The signs an avoidant loves you can be easily overlooked or misread because they deviate from typical romantic behaviors. Understanding these unique expressions of affection is like deciphering a hidden language; once you grasp it, you’ll gain a profound insight into how avoidants show love.
Here are some indicators that an avoidant partner is in love, accompanied by examples:
1) Initiating Contact
Despite their preference for independence, an avoidant partner who is in love will start reaching out more frequently, showing they’re thinking of you. It’s their way of subtly letting you know that you are on their mind. For example, they might say, “I came across this and thought of you, so I had to share it.”
2) Consistent Time Together
Avoidant partners usually cherish their alone time, but if they’re consistently setting aside time for you, it’s a strong sign of their affection. By making regular plans, they demonstrate that you are a priority in their life. An example might be, “What do you think about making Thursday nights our regular dinner date?”
3) Opening Up
Sharing personal stories or vulnerabilities is a significant move for an avoidant partner, as it means stepping out of their comfort zone. This openness indicates they feel safe with you. For instance, they might say, “I don’t usually talk about this, but I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with you.”
4) Inclusion in Their Life
Inviting you into their private spaces, like their home, or introducing you to close friends, indicates deep trust from an avoidant partner. This inclusion signifies that they see you as a significant part of their life. They might say, “I’d like you to meet my friends this weekend. They’re eager to meet you.”
5) Thoughtful Gestures
Instead of verbal affirmations, avoidants often show they care through actions. Thoughtful gestures are their way of expressing love and appreciation without using words. An example could be, “I know you like your coffee a certain way, so I made it just for you.”
6) Respecting Boundaries
Avoidant partners express love by respecting your autonomy and giving you space, believing that love means non-intrusion. This respect for boundaries shows they care about your comfort and well-being. They might say, “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with messages. I thought you might need some time for yourself today.”
7) Practical Help Over Emotional Support
Instead of offering emotional comfort, an avoidant partner may show care by providing practical solutions or helping with tasks. This approach is their way of being supportive while maintaining a degree of emotional distance. For example, they might say, “I saw you were stressed about your broken laptop, so I fixed it for you.”
8) Creating Distance After Intimacy
Following periods of closeness, an avoidant partner might seem to withdraw, not as a retreat in affection but as a way to process the intimacy. This behavior is their method of recharging emotionally. They might explain, “I’ve been a bit quiet because I needed to recharge, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you.”
These behaviors can be confusing and might seem counterintuitive as expressions of love. However, for an avoidant partner, these actions represent significant efforts to connect within their comfort zone. Recognizing and understanding these signs can be crucial in deepening the relationship.
To delve deeper into this topic, check out my video: The Surprising Traits That Attract Avoidant Partners
Now, I am going to pause there and ask – do you recognize any of these signs in your experience? Can you relate to this? I would love to know in the comments there.
How To Know If An Avoidant Loves You: The Importance of Communication
Okay, now let’s say you’re able to check off most of these items on the list. Now, you might be wondering, “How can I support the growth of their love and this relationship?”
Well this really speaks to the importance of communication in nurturing how avoidants show love.
Communication plays a vital role in any relationship, but it’s especially crucial in mastering how to know if an avoidant partner loves you. Avoidant partners may struggle to communicate their feelings openly, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts with their partners. By fostering open and honest communication, you can create a supportive environment for your avoidant partner to express their emotions, and develop a greater capacity for picking up on the signs an avoidant loves you.
One of the key aspects of communication in an avoidant relationship is using “soft strategies” in communication. These are communications that express appreciation, respect for their autonomy, and invite them to be part of finding solutions.
Avoidant Triggers in Communication
For example, a common triggering statement for an avoidant partner is, “You wouldn’t say/do that if you really loved me.”
An anxious partner might say this to their avoidant partner when they feel like their partner isn’t being supportive, or when they feel like their partner is withdrawing from the relationship. And that’s because for the anxious partner, they are usually singularly preoccupied with what their partner is doing, and the state of the relationship. They also often conflate acts of service with the depth of someone’s emotional affection.
On the other hand, a dismissive-avoidant partner is usually singularly preoccupied with their own autonomous passions and pursuits, in the extreme. That means they don’t always take their partner into consideration when making plans or decisions that might affect the relationship as a whole. It doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is not on their priority list somewhere, it’s just usually not nearly as high as it is for the anxious partner. Therefore, the avoidant partner will often interpret this anxious statement as an accusation or attack. They may feel like their anxious partner is trying to control them with guilt or shame, and they will likely become defensive and withdraw further.
So, what can you say instead?
Soft Strategies in Communication
A better way to phrase this would be, “I’m feeling really lonely right now. Are you available for some support? I really appreciate it when you…xyz.” or “I’m feeling really alone right now, is there any way that we could connect?”
With the first statement, you are focusing on your feelings and offering specifics about how they can contribute to your feeling better, by identifying how they have succeeded with you, in the past. You are also communicating your autonomy, even in a state of need. By asking them if they are available, instead of “demanding” what you need from them, you acknowledge their choice to contribute to your emotional state, while avoiding critical, conditional, or judgemental ideas about how they “should” be loving you, according to a set of standards that don’t apply to them. It also communicates that you recognize their love in the ways that they know how to give it, and that you are receptive.
In the second statement, you are being honest about the feeling you are having, instead of focusing on the condition and creating an opening for them to step in, and offer solutions that will allow them to succeed with you, by changing the conditions based on their own ideas.
Want to learn more about soft strategies in communication?
Click this link, and take the free introductory training for my course, The Courageous Communicator.
This is a 90-day online course, to help professional singles and couples develop healthy communication skills based on attachment styles, using trauma-informed energy healing and art therapy techniques.
What makes this program so unique is the combination of skill building in communication based on attachment styles, using trauma-informed experiential modalities, that connect to the emotional energy tied up in your body and nervous system. When we work with the body directly and in creative, fun, and playful ways, insecure attachment styles that have been resistant to change, start to soften and relax, and relatively quickly.
This allows you to go from suspicious, fearful and anxious to confident, trusting and at ease, sometimes within only 90 days.
But don’t take my word for it, here are some more success stories from students that have taken this course…
If you are interested in results like these, be sure to click this link, and you will be taken ot a registration page for the free introductory training to The Courageous Communicator Course. This will walk you through my HIP communication formula, for achieving more safety, security, and passion in loving relationships.
So now, let’s dive into some final thoughts for today.
Final Thoughts
Deciphering the subtle signs of love from an avoidant partner requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to navigate the complexities of their attachment style. By recognizing the unique ways in which avoidants express their emotions, you can gain valuable insights into the depth of their love for you. Communication, understanding, and respect are essential in fostering a secure attachment with an avoidant partner and building a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.
Remember that love comes in many forms, and an avoidant’s love may be expressed through actions, gestures, and moments of vulnerability. By paying attention to these subtle signs and adapting to their love language, you can create a more supportive and understanding environment for your relationship to thrive. Seeking professional help when needed can provide additional support and guidance in navigating the challenges of an avoidant attachment style.
With patience and understanding, if your partner is ready, willing and able, you can unlock the hidden depths of an avoidant’s love for you.
On the other hand, if a partner is not ready, unwilling or incapable of showing up to the relationship with the effort required to open up and invite a co-creative process of healing and growth within the relationship, it may be time to let it go.
Sometimes letting someone go is a sign of loving them through acceptance. You are Accepting where they are on their path. And by doing so, you also come to accept where you are. it’s okay that you both need different things in order to honor your unique growth trajectories. Love never goes away – it just changes form.
And so, I would leave you with a thought provoking question: What new form of love is your soul asking for? Set your mind and heart to cultivating an answer, and your next steps will present themselves to you.
If you got something out of this post today, please leave a comment below. I take all feedback into consideration when making new content like this.
Thank you and have a great week!
27 Responses
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been struggling with this question for 16 years now. I found this very helpful and informative
I am glad you found the article helpful! Thank you for sharing your experience.
I see him monthly for a few days. He calls every three days mostly we rarely text it’s been 3 years but when I ask for more contact he says I’m being needy and pushing him away. This is so hard. He loves me he rarely says it but when he does it’s nice. When I’m upset and want to see him he says “ I give you everything you want why am I always in trouble?” Omg we are so different. I’ve been passive aggressive lately when he calls I’m not being happy anymore because I feel it’s going nowhere and so he says oh I’m in trouble again. I honestly don’t know what to do I told him the other day this isn’t working he said it’s ok we will be ok. Then nothing not a word waiting for day 3. I’m going crazy. Help? When we are together monthly we are perfect he’s giving loving and we don’t fight in person the distance is awful
Oh friend, I really feel for you. What you’re describing is so relatable and so common when you’re caught in the anxious-avoidant dynamic—especially when emotional needs and communication styles don’t line up. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re asking for basic connection and being made to feel “needy” for it. That doesn’t mean your needs are wrong—it just means you’re reaching for intimacy with someone whose nervous system might experience closeness as a threat, even if they care for you deeply.
And your passive-aggressive reactions? Totally human. When your heart is aching and it feels like you’re the only one trying to bridge the gap, it’s natural to express that pain in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways. The distance only amplifies the disconnect.
I want to reassure you: You’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not alone in this.
If you’re ready for tools to navigate this more consciously—with clear communication that doesn’t push him away or betray your own needs—I invite you to check out my free introductory training to The Courageous Communicator. It’s designed to help people like you find your voice, build emotional clarity, and stop the cycle of emotional starvation without losing your sense of self.
👉 https://onlinecourses.brianamacwilliam.com/tcc-free-introduction-communication-skills-based-on-attachment-styles-optin
You can move toward deeper connection—or clarity—without going crazy in the process. Sending you so much love and strength. 💛
The information was very inspiring and helped me to learn me and those around me. Thank you for sharing.
I am glad it was helpful! Thank you for commenting.
Dear Briana, I hope you are doing fine and well. I read your articles and I have a question. I have this colleague in the office who has developed feelings for me and I too feel the same for her. I have made mistakes in the past whereby I was clingy, needy and desperate and this resulted in her pushing me away many times. This colleague has a past, she was cheated on by her ex spouse and abandoned by her real father.
Fast forward to this year of 2024, it seems things were slowly picking up until towards the end of July 2024, she reached out one Saturday afternoon and we chatted and even texted, and that was when it happened, I was commenting on her display photo when she started sharing more about that photo on her own accord, and this eventually led to her sharing a little about her dad and his family. I sensed she was triggered and upset, and I offered her emphaty and support. She changed the topic, but inside, I knew something was coming. Sure enough, she pulled back. At first I was be-weirded, and I did drop her a short text to ask if everything was ok as I sensed distance from her. She merely replied that she was busy, to which I told her that I would be here for her when she was ready. Since than, I’ve totally given her the space and just been friendly and consistent if I saw her. I did not reach out to her at all unless it was necessary. This continues thru August, and in the first of September, on one of the Saturdays, she reached out and asked me if I would like to join her and other colleagues for a game of badminton. At first, I wasn’t sure, but later on I told her I would go. The game went great and we did have some conversations. I noticed that when we are in the office, she is reserved and quiet, but during the badminton game, when the others were fully occupied, she dares to talk to me. During her reach outs, even before she pulled back, she talked about my finances, her daughter, their dog and about work. I know it seems general. Her asking me to play badminton was a first time this year after like about a year or 2? Im guessing it was because previously when she asked me to join her for badminton, I would turn her down. So I guess she took it as rejection. During this period of silence and distance from her, she isn’t cold or unfriendly, just silent. Some say she is so called processing her feelings. Even though I played badminton with her, I’m still giving her the space and not seeking her out unless needed. May I have your insights as to whether she is avoidant or guarded and am I doing the right thing by letting her be and just being friendly and consistent if I see her?
Thank you,
Eugene
Dear Eugene,
Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your experience so openly. It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought and care into how you’ve navigated this connection, and I can truly understand how challenging and confusing these situations can be, especially when past wounds and personal histories are involved. It’s clear that you have a deep awareness of both your feelings and hers, and that you’ve been very mindful in giving her space while remaining supportive.
Navigating complex emotions in relationships, especially in the context of past trauma or attachment issues, can be difficult. I would love to offer more personalized feedback and insights, but this kind of situation really benefits from deeper exploration. If you’d like more direct feedback and guidance, I encourage you to book a private consultation with me through this link: [Private Consultation](https://brianamacwilliam.com/consultations/).
Take care, and I look forward to connecting further if that feels right for you.
Warmly,
Briana
My brother suggested I might like this website He was totally right This post actually made my day You cannt imagine just how much time I had spent for this information Thanks
That means so much to hear—thank you! I’m so glad your brother pointed you in this direction and that the post resonated with you. It’s amazing how the right insight can land at just the right time. If you’re curious to go even deeper into this work, feel free to explore some of the free resources or take the next step with one of my courses. Either way, I’m truly honored to be a part of your journey! 💛
Insightful and illuminating. I especially like the questions at the end regarding considering one’s own fullfilment when in relationship with an avoidant.
Thank you so much! I’m glad you found the post insightful. Those questions are so important when navigating a relationship with an avoidant partner—our own fulfillment often gets overlooked. It’s crucial to take time for self-reflection and ensure our needs are being met too. I appreciate your comment! 😊
I’ve never felt so hurt, devastated, understood and free all at the same time. This article help me turn the last page and close the book to the last 7yrs of my life. I tried to love him while getting help from my therapist but the reality is, he isn’t ready to do the work and I have to accept and be ok with that. I still love him, and care deeply and pray that one day he’ll get the help and find someone who can love him like he needs. Thank you, thank you so much
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to come to that realization, but I’m so glad the article helped you find some closure and peace. It takes so much strength to love someone and also accept that they aren’t ready to do the work. Wishing you continued healing as you move forward, and I truly appreciate your kind words. Take care of yourself. 💛
Thank you! I’ve never doubted his love but this explained a lot. Unfortunately it didn’t really help the overall situation. I will definitely be taking that free course.
I’m so glad you found the post helpful, even if it didn’t change the situation entirely. Wishing you the best on your journey 😊
Hi Briana. Thanks for writing this piece. It is so informative and helpful. I just left a relationship that I suspected was an Avoidant Attachment. I wanted so badly to communicate with him and try to work through our issues. But he didn’t care to do that. He kept disappearing. He didn’t even call once. It was all texting. Quite frustrating, and suspicious, to say the least.You’re correct in saying it’s okay to acknowledge that our paths my be different at this time. And that walking away is a way of showing love and respect to each other; and especially to oneself. On another note, I do strongly believe in ‘the supernatural’. However, I’m not aware of ‘The Supernatural’ you mentioned in your profile statement, but I’m sure I would love it too. This was a brilliant essay. I learned a lot. Thank you so much 🙏.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and I’m glad this piece resonated with you. Walking away from a relationship, especially one where there’s a lack of communication, can be really difficult, but it’s so important to honor what’s best for your own well-being.
As for “Supernatural,” it’s actually a TV show that aired on The CW for 15 years! It follows two brothers who hunt demons, ghosts, and other supernatural beings. It’s one of my favorite shows, and I think you might enjoy it too. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment! 😊
I have been in a relationship that lasted 4 months, then 1 month “vacation” and now 2 months. I got walking papers a week ago (again). I have read your information about Avoidance Attachment and it describes her (and me) perfectly. Of course I do get accused of “smothering”. She is a very intelligent woman and we do talk well together. Should I share this knowledge with her and open discussion about it? I think she would recognize herself in your descriptions. Or, do I expand on this knowledge and try to approach her in a different way with my new knowledge. We are in the process of going forward without each other because we cant seem to make it work. I have not given up yet, but am pretty close.
Last night she texted about the weather. I assume that was a test to see if I’m still communicating. Of course I replied, I don’t believe in playing games like “I don’t care about you after one week of being in love with you” The way I describe her is “every time we get close, she pushes me away”. A friend brought up Avoidance Attachment. Again, this seems spot on. She always just said she is an introvert. Those are her reasons for her behavior. She even shared a list of introvert behaviors, which do describe her behavior somewhat.
Again, my question here is, do I share this knowledge with her and discuss it or try to “work it behind the scenes” which kind of seems like manipulation from me.
Thank you in advance.
Thank you for sharing your experience so openly—it’s clear how much thought and care you’re putting into this relationship, even as you navigate such a challenging dynamic. It’s a tough situation, and I commend you for taking the time to learn more about attachment styles and reflect on how they might be playing a role for both of you. That kind of self-awareness is a big step.
To your question about sharing this knowledge with her, I would suggest approaching it in a way that is open and free from evaluation or expectation. For example, you could say something like, “Hey, I read this blog, and it turned on some light bulbs for me about the way I show up in relationships. I’d love to get your take on this.” This keeps the conversation focused on mutual exploration rather than trying to diagnose or explain her behavior, which could feel uncomfortable or even triggering for someone with avoidant tendencies.
It’s also important to check in with yourself about your intentions before sharing. Are you hoping the discussion will lead to a resolution or change in her behavior? If so, that might unintentionally add pressure to the conversation. Instead, think of this as an opportunity to invite a dialogue—not necessarily to “fix” anything, but to see if she’s open to exploring these ideas with you. If she’s willing, it could be a stepping stone toward deeper understanding and connection.
At the same time, it’s worth reflecting on how much of the work in this dynamic you feel you’ve been carrying. It sounds like you’re deeply invested in finding solutions and maintaining communication, but it’s equally important to ensure that your needs and boundaries are being honored too. Relationships are a two-way street, and you deserve a partner who’s equally engaged in the effort to make things work.
Lastly, you mentioned the idea of “working it behind the scenes,” which, as you noted, can feel manipulative. I agree—it’s always best to approach things with honesty and transparency. Ultimately, whether or not this relationship moves forward, the work you’re doing to understand yourself and your patterns will serve you well in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.
I hope this perspective helps, and I’m wishing you clarity and peace as you navigate these next steps.
Bonjour
Je viens de lire votre article et je me suis reconnu pendant cette lecture.
Ma copine a rompue avec moi il y a 3 semaine et je me rends compte que mon comportement avec elle pendant notre relation, ressemble à ça. Je sais maintenant ce que je dois faire pour m’améliorer.
Merci
Philippe
Translation:Good morning
I just read your article and I recognized myself while reading it.
My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I realize that my behavior towards her during our relationship looks like this. I now know what I need to do to improve.
THANKS
Philip
Reply: Thank you for sharing that with me. It takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to recognize patterns in yourself, and even more to commit to growth. Breakups are painful, but they can also be powerful catalysts for change. The fact that you’re reflecting and actively looking to improve already speaks volumes.
Be gentle with yourself in this process—healing attachment patterns isn’t about perfection; it’s about intention and consistency. Wishing you clarity and strength on your journey. 💛
kolejny raz skończyłam czytać Twój artykuł. jest wspaniały! tchnie nadzieją! dajesz tak cenne uwagi i pomysły jak postępować z unikającą osobą.
mam tylko jedno pytanie: czy można faktycznie relację z unikającym nazwać związkiem? jest to jakieś balansowanie na krawędzi, zbliżanie, oddalanie i tak w kółko. mam taką relację, ale czy to jest związek jeśli nigdy nie mogę być niczego pewna? kobieta potrzebuje głównie bezpieczeństwa, czy unikający umie je dać?
jeszcze raz bardzo dziękuję za Twoją pracę ♡
Translation: I finished reading your article again. it’s wonderful! breathes hope! you give such valuable comments and ideas on how to deal with an avoidant person.
I have only one question: can a relationship with an avoidant actually be called a relationship? it’s like balancing on the edge, zooming in, zooming out and so on. I have such a relationship, but is it a relationship if I can never be sure of anything? a woman mainly needs security, can an avoidant give it?
Thank you very much again for your work ♡
Reply: Thank you so much for your kind words! It means a lot to me that the article resonated with you and brought you hope. ❤️
I hear you on the frustration and uncertainty that comes with being in a relationship with an avoidant partner. It can feel like a constant push-pull, like you’re walking on a tightrope without a safety net. And your question—is it really a relationship if you can never be sure of anything?—is such an important one.
The truth is, a relationship isn’t just about shared moments; it’s about shared emotional security. If that security is absent, the dynamic can start to feel more like a cycle of longing and retreat rather than a true partnership. Avoidant partners can offer security, but not in the way someone with a more secure attachment naturally would. Their version of security often looks like maintaining their independence and space while still being present in their own way.
But if their way of relating consistently leaves you feeling unsafe, anxious, or like you’re never on solid ground, then the bigger question becomes: Is this the kind of relationship that truly nourishes you?
A woman needs security, yes. But more importantly, you deserve to feel safe and valued in your connection. If an avoidant partner is willing to grow and work toward creating that sense of safety with you, progress can happen. But if the relationship constantly leaves you feeling unmoored, then it might be worth reflecting on whether you’re staying out of hope for change—or out of love for what actually is.
Sending you love as you navigate this. 💛
This describes my relationship entirely. My bf and I have gone back and forth with my overstepping his boundaries in my (selfish?) quest for live in the form I understand it. We live together so hopefully there’s still some chance if I give him the space he needs. I’m in your course and it’s extraordinary. Thx!
I am glad to hear the post resonates and that you are finding the course extraordinary! Remember you can also share your artworks and questions inside the Facebook group and tag me for feedback, as well as join our live Q&A sessions 2x per month. I look forward to hearing how your journey progresses!